Wanted Brides aka Imaginary Females Qualifying Unrealistic Standards

Note: This is a mere exaggeration to employ a satirical approach to a sensitive issue.* 

BEWARE! Out there on the littered streets of India lurk the piranha-mothers with hungry eyes searching for  potential  brides. With their expertise, they can stealthily scan a crowd for the much sought-after qualities in a daughter-in-law in less than a minute (they would make good undercover agents to say the least). 

The idealization of Indian brides has grown to such a level that the standard has almost become unattainable. Following are the qualities every Indian mother looks for in a bride (not necessarily in that order)

•  Fairness- Surprised much? I guess not. This quality is quite weighted. A potential bride is expected to be a walking embodiment of the Fair and Lovely Fairness cream(this is not for advertising purposes). Anything less than that and bam! You are out of the picture. Fairness can affect the 'marketability' of young women hugely. Case in point are the following matrimonial ads-

            Fair and Lovely or Fair=Lovely? 

     Another ad of Ponds white beauty depicts this as a highly valued qualification for a suitable partner. In fact, this is only a drop in the huge ocean of advertising of fair women as more attractive. To bring all this to an end, the ASCI (Advertising Standards Council of India)  has issued new guidelines banning advertisements that portray darker people negatively “in relation to being attractive to the opposite sex, matrimony, job placement, promotions and other prospects” in August 2014.

•  Magical cooking skills- This can be shown through this simple relation-

                                 Roundness of the roti ∝ desirability of the female

           They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Now if in the way is the whole family of in-laws, then that gives the girl a lot of stomachs to please. But if you pass this test then woohoo! even educational qualifications can be overlooked. This has always been the way. I guess maybe this is why Indian saas-bahu soaps like Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi have gained immense popularity.

• Aloknath Qualities- If the first thing to come to your mind after reading this is sanskari, firstly, hats off to your bollywood I.Q. I don't think this needs an introduction. When you type Alok Nath on Google search, even “I’m feeling Lucky” changes to “I’m feeling Sanskari".  Jokes apart(or maybe not), because of the perpetuation of such an image of Indian daughter-in-laws, those having liberal views are not considered 'marriage material'. To this, one might say that now the times have changed. But the truth is, as intelligently put into words by late Bengali witer Nirad C. Chaudhari, in India, even the exceptions run into millions.

• Perfect Maid- This is indeed the sickly twisted way in which 'homemaking' is often interpreted. This is actually what is expected of a girl. If she is not one then should know atleast how to 'handle' one. 

• Bootlicker- The first and foremost rule for a girl to memorize by heart- Whatever sasuma says is the final word. No questioning. And the first thing on her to do list- Impress sasuma. So much of hard-work involved that just writing about it makes me sweat. So many expectations, so many expectations.

• Haggling Queen- To be truthful, this is something I came up with. In my view, the haggling abilities of a woman can define to a great extent her manipulative nature and smartness. Not something a mother particularly looks for in a daughter-in-law but still I think it can earn the potential bahu a few bonus points.

  Now what about the Groom? I think it can be best summarized in these three points-

• Rich

• Working

• Rich 

In India, girls are brought up and groomed essentially to become the ideal daughter-in-laws. And to me it is sad. And pathetic.

Anyway, I love my country.

And the colour blue.

*Or perhaps not.